“You don’t choose a life, you live one!”
It’s not hard going on holiday but a couple of years ago I went on holiday to Asia and felt for the very first time that it was the hardest trip I had to make.
I had recently met a guy and despite my stubborn independence and perpetual affirmation of not needing anyone, well, he was someone who seemed to fit into my world, and very quickly.
But, I rationalised the sense of going away – I had had a surprisingly whirlwind 3 weeks with him and it was time to take stock. After all, following my divorce several years before that I had decided that there was never going to be anyone to fill the position of partner ever again. In a relationship at 20 and married for a very long time, I had grown up with my husband and post divorce, had no idea who I was. And I worked hard to find that out over the following years.
And here he was, threatening my independence and yet, there was a promise of something new. It felt like the past was beginning to melt into the distance and life was moving in a new direction.
And, as twee as this sounds, watching film, The Way on the flight to Thailand, I felt like I had found the closure I needed. I had jumped so many hurdles, strived and failed, regrouped, tried again….and again, finding resilience despite family grief and career tragedy. And meeting this guy, I felt that I had found someone with whom I could share the burdens and the joys of a life. But I wanted to, needed to, send the past to where it belonged. I had learnt hard lessons but I had emerged stronger for it.
The Way seemed to be, er….the way? A physical journey to match my own emotional journey and to finally find the end, or a new beginning.
It has taken me a long time to get round to actually planning this trip. But I trust that I am taking this at a time that is right for me. It is no accident, I do not think, that I am soon to be taking my place in France and take my first footsteps on the Camino.